


Some stories are best left untold

by 0Haverling0



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Kind of happy ending, Langst, M/M, Poor Keith, Sad Lance (Voltron), Self Harm, Suicidal Lance, Tags Are Hard, Trans Lance (Voltron), Woops, concerned Shiro, he wants to be nice, ill try, my first piece, my hand slipped, suicidal thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-01 12:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10921518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Haverling0/pseuds/0Haverling0
Summary: The paladins are on a mission, lance throws himself out infront of a lazer and gets electrocuted and falls unconcious and has memories about his past which changes everything.





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is my first fic might not be great but ill try :) its justa a mix of stuff ive read and fan art ive seen and my brain so hopefully you like it.

~*#(0)#*~  
The paladins are on a mission, a very dangerous one at that, they were fighting a robeast and a galran space craft at the same time, as lance shot a bright lazer from his lion at the robeast he saw something in the corner of his eye, the space craft, it was charging up a lazer and they had it pointed at the black lion,

  
"fuck', he groaned,  
lance knew...knew from the very beginning he was the worst paladin, just a fith wheel... no a seventh wheel, hunk was a great engineer and fun nice lovable guy, shiro was super strong and leader like, pidge is super amazing when it comes to technology, keith was fast and cool plus he is awesome in combat, allura is freaking princess with magical powers and she was gorgeous, coran is just such a sweet man and hes always so happy even after losing his family...his whole planet, same with allura... and what was lance? An annoying, arrogant, cocky brat, who calls himself the 'team sharpshooter', no one else does, no one ever compliments him, he understands though, no one really liked him even back on earth, so in the spurr of the moment just as the lazer was about to fire lance jumped in front of shiro while pushing him away from the lazer beam, lance didnt know what happened but he fet the pain first, terrible pain shot up his spine, he couldnt feeel his legs and his head was pounding, he could hear the others in the comms of his helmet,

  
"lance! what the fuck are you doing?!" keith yelled, sending shivers up his back, the loud noise rattling his skull, he knew that he was going to pass out, so why not be a little witty?

"youre welcome shir-cough-, shiro, ha look whos the hero now, heh, so just letting you all know im gonna pass out so... asta la vista kids..." as soon as he finished he felt the world fade away, and he drifted off into unconiousness.

It was a regular day for lance, get yelled at in the morning an occasional slap on the head, some unencouraging words, little to no breckfast, then the bus ride to school... it wasnt as bad as school but it was pretty terrible, but on lances scale of 1-10 it was a 3.

  
"aye! faggot! go back to your fucking country! you dont belong here! why dont you just die? go away? no one would care fucktard!"...  
just the regular stuff, lance felt a tug on his hair and a snicker from behind him,

  
"hey, faggot what shampoo do you use? haha are you trying to keep your hair soft so that when your fucking some old guy he has something soft to grab you by?! fucking gaybo!"

  
"actually, i use 'L'Oréal Professionnel Mythic Oil Shampoo' and at least i wont be a virgin all my life.."  
lance knew he fucked up when he saw the kids face frown as other kids on the bus laughed and giggled and 'oooh'd, the grip in his hair tightened and pulled back hard against the seat,

  
"say that again cock sucker?! and ill slit your throat! dont try and get smart with me, ok stupid faggot? got it?"  
lance just nodded quietly and sat in the bus silent the rest of the way, ignoring the whacks on his head the distasteful comment and pinchs.

  
When the bus arrived at school lance waited for everyone to exit first, (found out the hard way that getting off early would end up getting him a face full of gravel and foot prints on his clothes from being trampled),

As he walked into the school he tried to ignore those cold stares from everyone, the whispers, the rumors, lance was sick of it but he was to afraid to stand up for himself in fear he would end up in the hospital which costs money, and that would trouble his family, he didnt want that, so he silently walked to his locker, when he saw a foot stick out in front of him, lance was always had fast reactions, so he quickly dodged the foot poking out which caused mulitple glares and upset growls from the students,

He continued on this way the whole day, but after school was the worst...he never took the bus after school in fear for his life, so he walked on the side walk, minding his own business, lance had pretty good hearing and he could tell that two pairs of heavy shoes had been quietly stepping behind him for a while now, lance guessed it was nothing but he still stuck to busy roads but he knew that he had to walk down an alley to get to his house so he walked around in circles for a bit, when he heard no footsteps he guessed he had lost them so he headed to the alley, wearily looking around for any sign of those shoes, nothing, lance sighed, it was probably nothing, when lance was halfway through the alley the shoes returned, this time lance walked faster, so did the footsteps, he stopped quickly and turned around to see four big men blocking up the only exit of the alley,

  
"u-um, c-can i help you?" he tried to not sound scared, it didnt work, his voice cracked this caused the men to laugh,

  
"i believe you can, see, some boys told me you were looking for some fun, so i thought why not make it a party?" he laughed loudly as did the other men,

  
"i-i think you have me confused i -i never said that?" lance was terrified now,

  
"well, doesnt really look like you have a choice does it?" he spread his arms and motioned around him, he was grinning now, showing his disgusting teeth,

  
"p-please i-i dont w-want this!" lance cried as the men stepped closer,

  
"the more they struggle, the more the fun!" they were smirking evily as they stepped closer, lance backed away till he hit a wall,

  
"n-no please! d-dont come a-any closer!" lance was petrified, he was going to get raped he knew it it.


	2. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shiro and keith get a peek at lances life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is in shiros pov and im currently writing this late at night bc ya know im bored. ALSO!!!111!1 thanks for the kudos and the comments! ive also got some bookmarks to :D it makes me happy that you guys enjoy this :D

Shiro’s POV

Shiro watched as lance and the blue lion barrelled towards him knocking him out of the ways as a lazer beam was shot in his direction, he watched as blue light sparked around blue and a scream through the comms was heard.

“Lance?! What the fuck are you doing?!” he heard keith yell,

Next he heard lance speak, softly but still with some cockiness behind it, “youre welcome shir-cough-, shiro, ha look whos the hero now, heh, so just letting you all know im gonna pass out so... asta la vista kids...",

He heard a thud through the comms and realised that lance had passed out in blue and blue seemed to be shut off, “Princess! We are retreating for now! Hunk grab blue and take her to the castle, once we are there get lance into a healing pod!” shiro barked orders franticly worried for the blue paladin.

He shot one last shot at the galran ship, then turned around and sped away after pidge hunk and keith. Once they were in the castle and the princess had wormholed away, they pulled lance out of blue and drag him to a pod and set him up carefully.

“w-what.. why did he?” shiro was so confused as to why lance threw himself in danger for him.

“don’t worry shiro, as long as hes breathing its alright” pidge tried to comfort shiro, petting his shoulder as if to calm his nerves.

As if right on cue lances heart rate sped up, way to high to be healthy, “Coran!? Pidge?! Whats wrong with him?!” shiro was scared as he looked at lance shaking in the pod, heavily breathing.

“Shiro… hes having a panic attack… in the pod, he must be dreaming about something bad…” pidge calmly explained.

This made shiro worry more. What could happy, cocky, witty Lance be dreaming about that’s so bad that hes having a panic attack? Suddenly hee heard a roar come from his lion in his head,

_paladin, the blue lion wants to show you lances mind… hopefully so youll understand more._

“okay..” shiro said quietly as he looked to the others to see if their lions had done the same but only keith had a worried look on his face.

Shiro walked over to keith, “did your lion-“ shiro was cut off by keiths hand over his mouth, keith just nodded and pulled shiro out of the room.

“what could be in lances mind that he doesn’t already spew out to us?!” keith whispered angrily,

“ I don’t know but if it helps him im willing to try” shiro said wilfully,

“whatever, lets get it over with.”

With that he and keith walked to the hangar and stood near blue, almost instantly he felt blues presence in his head, and his brain was suddenly clouded with images, some of lance, some of people from school, some of his family one thing caught his eye… it was of lance… was this his memories? Lance was.. in the bathroom with a razor… pressed to his arms.. slowly slashing across, lance was mostly naked in this memory and you could see the scars all over his body, some big some small some still bleeding…then it hit him, shiro recognised that bathroom… it was one of the castles…this was a recent memory… shiro turned and looked at keith who turned and looked at him too, his face was pale and he looked shocked.

“What the hell?! Lance was cutting?! For how long!?” keith yelled at the lion,

_Hes been doing it since he was 7… lance had a bad life, at home, at school everywhere…keep looking…_

Shiro looked to keith as if to ask ‘should we?’ keith nodded and shiro closed his eyes and dug deeper until he found it…he didn’t know what he had been looking for but he knew this was it.. it was like watching a video… of lance…being raped in an old alley…his screams echoing in his ears…he watched as four big men took turns ramming into lance, who was bleeding… he could hear lance begging for them to stop only to be greeted by a smirk and some loud laughs, one of the men wrapped their hand around lances neck and slowly squeezed… shiro saw lances face go red his mouth open trying to get air in but what he received was a dick being shoved down his throat, he watched lance gag as it hit his throat- no! he didn’t want to see this! Shiro pulled himself from that memory to find another of lance lying on the ground, kids surrounding him…covering him with dirt calling him names… kicking him…everywhere…

“stop! Please! No more ! I don’t want to see this!” shiro yelled, shaking his head when he realised he was crying now,

he turned and saw keith who had fallen to the floor and was also silently crying as he watched…

_One more thing paladin then I will leave you…_

Shiro didn’t want to but he agreed if it meant this would stop. Blue pulled shiro into a memory which was placed somewhere that could only be lances home, he watched lance walk into the kitchen, watched the cold stares he got from his mum and dad, from his Abuela, his older sister and brother, lance looked down in shame…why would lance look like that? Why did his family look so disgusted?... lance continued to walk and ended up at the dining table as he took a seat so did everyone else, his dad served everyone… everyone but lance just glared at him, as if waiting for lance to ask for food so he could yell at him… lance looked down then stood up from the table.

“i-I sor-sorry…” lance quietly said,

this seemed to enrage his dad for some reason, shiro flinched as a plate was thrown at lances head, it smashed on the side of his head... lance didn’t even flinched just looked down and walked upstairs to his bathroom… suddenly shiro was in lances eyes.. looking around for something… where was it? Ah! There, he walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a razor, he smiled softly…

"ahh… good friend… I need you again” lance whispered to the blade.

Lance sat down on the side of the bath and looked from his arm to the razor… shiro suddenly felt the need to cut his wrist…lances wrist…his hand moved on its own and he made a short cut across his arm and sighed… why did it…feel good? Shiro shook his head and was suddenly back in the hangar.

“why? Why did you show us this?” shiro asked sadly,

_Because my paladin is about to wake up…and he is going to need support…all those memories you saw that’s only half of them and lance just went through all of them again…he will be emotionally unstable._

Shiro looked to keith and nodded, keith nodded back and they headed out to where the pods were again to take care of lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading ill try to get the new chapter out soon :D


	3. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance isnt to happy about visitors in his mind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short but its bc im tired and ive got homework to do so :3 hope you enjoy more coming soon.

Lances pov Lance was cold, he wiggled his fingers to bring the feeling back then he heard a loud ‘fwshh’ sound as a door opened and he tumbled out of what appeared to be a pod, suddenly arms were around him and voices were mumbling, he opened his eyes slightly spotting shiro and keith kneeling near him, shiro cradling him in his arms whispering,

“Its okay… its okay”, It confused lance but it felt nice in shiros arms and before he knew what he was doing he was wriggling in towards shiro, grumbling about being cold.

He felt shiro go stiff under him, maybe he had overstepped his boundries? Suddenly the arms that were holding him upright were pulling him in close, hugging him softly, mumbling about being sorry. It was lances turn to freeze now, why was shiro sorry? Does he know? He cant know? Blue? Does he? Please tell me he doesn’t?...

_…_

When blue didn’t reply he knew something was up… he pushed off of shiro, looking at him with fear in his eyes,

“you-… you know? Don’t you? H-how” lance was whispering now, Shiro looked to keith who apparently also knew for some reason… doe everyone know?

“… b-blue… showed us everything you…you were dreaming about” shiro mumbled looked sad and worried,

“you- you went through my head?! Without me knowing?” lance spat out,

he knew they were trying to help but he was pissed.. pissed that they went through his memories saw his darkest moments… how dare they!

“w-we.. i-I.. yes” shiro said shamefully,

He should be ashamed! But hes the leader I should upset him more… he went through your heard lance! While you were unconscious after saving his life!... but hes been through so much… so have you-

“look lance calm down… we were trying to help” keith butted into his thoughts,

“no… no! you have no right! Do you know how much ive tried to forget that day? Do you know what it feels like to be a seventh wheel keith?! Of course you don’t! youre next in line to be leader, you, hot headed keith! Who had behavioural issues at the garrison and got kicked out, which is the ‘only reason’ I made fighter pilot position! Because the best pilot left! Im just a back up! Ive been bullied and ignored and abused all my life because who I chose to love and what gender I am!” lance was yelling tears streaming down his face…

what did I just say… n-no fuck, he wasn’t supposed to say that last bit… no one knows that… lance got up quickly and ran off straight to his room and locked the door behind him, he heard yelling from the others and loud footsteps banging down the hall. Lance was tired of it… of feeling this was, it was so painful!

‘ fight pain with pain’… he remembers an old friend of his said that…before they committed suicide… he walked over to the bathroom, the other paladins were banging on his door now… he looked around his bathroom, searching for his old friend… ah found you… he took down the razor from the shelf and quickly swiped neatly across his arms leaving buds of blood to form then drip onto the floor, lance made five more before he heard shiro yelling,

“LANCE IS YOU DON’T OPEN THIS DOOR ILL KICK IT DOWN!!”

F-fuck.. one… more, he reached his hand over and slit deeply into his arm… deeper than he had done before… he watched blood spill out across the floor, then he heard a loud bang as the door to his room flew off, just as his vision blacked out he saw shiro run in and look at him… terrified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and thanks for the feed back everyone, comments and kudos make me happy <3


	4. we love you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok im really sorry about not updating in a while but school has been way to much and ive had a bit of a slump with writing, and since i always write at night and my anxiety acts up more at night i couldnt focus so sorry have this <3  
> p.s also sorry my chapters arent the longest, i try my best :D

Lances POV

He knew where he was instantly… he also  knew that he has failed…yet again. Not only himself, but his teammates too… they didn’t deserve to be thrown away… it was selfish of him to try and commit, they might have gotten attacked and they wouldn’t be able to form Voltron…but, allura could pilot blue… guess it would have been fine without him anyways.

“lances… why..?” he could hear shiros voice tremble,

His eyes were still closed so he didn’t think shiro knew he was awake, he probably should have said something but then shiro started crying and talking about how amazing he was and how he loved him, and he loved keith and everyone and lance didn’t know what to do so he sat still, eyes closed waiting for shiro to finish, he hated seeing shiro heart but he knew it was good to let it out sometimes and lance didn’t want shiro to do it the way he did so he let shiro cry let him be himself and not have to play leader and be able to take down his façade.

“because…I don’t deserve you.. or life… or anyone’’ lance whispered, opening his eyes to see shiros mouth drop and eyes widen.

“l-lance!? Oh my god! Thank god you’re awake!” shiro smiled brightly then it faded again,

“lance we love you, I love you, even keith does… please… I don’t know what I’d do if you had died” shiro was talking softly staring right at lance.

Lance just looked away sadly, “right…”,

“lance these scars on your chest… the- the big ones… those aren’t self harm are they…” it was barely a whisper now,

Lance realized that he was shirtless, his heart suddenly started pounding and he curled in on himself in attempt to cover his scars not just the ones under his nipples, the ones all over his stomach and arms and legs even on his back…

“do-don’t look…” lance whimpered under shiros stare, in lances eyes shiro looked… disappointed…in him? In himself? He didn’t know.

“lance… please, show me…” shiro looked at him sadness in his eyes, lance didn’t want him to feel the way lance had so he obeyed and uncurled from himself, though his arms were still wrapped around himself,

“lance…” shiro quietly mumbled something he couldn’t hear and suddenly shiros hands were on his chest…no… on his scars… lance twitched and flinched away, shiros hands retracted instantly,

“sorry” shiro looked down, shame in his eyes.

“its fine, just no ones touched me that… way before…” lance whispered quietly and tried to ignore shiros shock but he couldn’t help but wince as shiro looked at him in disbelief, then a different look appeared on his face…anger.

“im going to go back to earth and murder them slowly…” lances flinched at the memory, remembering that shiro knew now… that he wasn’t a virgin… shiro…probably- lance felt something wet dripping down his cheek, realizing he was crying he reached his hands up and began franticly wiping his eye.

“shh lance… shh its ok…” shiro whispered soflty and pulled lance close to his chest petting his hair,

“i-its so ha-hard shiro… m-my dad a-abused me…and my m-mum hated me!” lances tears increased and he pressed his head into shiros chest pulling on his shirt.

“why!? Why did they hate me shiro?! I was 4 when they first started hitting me and abusing me! I don’t know what I did wrong!?” lance was yelling now, which probably alerted the other paladins but lance didn’t care, they probably already knew now.

Lances though were cut off as his mouth was covered, not by a hand or by rope… but by lips… shiros lips… shiro was kissing him, he felt his face go red and he pulled away,

“w-what was that for?” lance was confused,

“I said before didn’t i? I love you lance” shiro looked determined… very determined, and suddenly he had shiros lips against his in a soft warm kiss,

“trying to steal to steal him away already shiro, huh?” a voice that could only be keiths came from the door, lance pulled away quickly, blushing.

“I know I know! I just wanted a small kiss before you could” lance was even more confused now,

“ hey now, that isn’t allowed! Unfair shiro, unfair” keith said and pouted then he walked over to lance and kissed him, hard and passionate, lances eye widened as he pulled away quickly,

“wh-what?! Y-you.. w-why?” lance was looking at them both, completely shocked and slightly worried,

“we love you lance, and we want to be with you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and comment, kudos and bookmarks make me really happy, thank you all for your feedback!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> yea um okay sorry if the topic of rape offends anyone or makes them feel uncomfortable but i put a warning, more coming soon XD suspense <3


End file.
